Artemis' First Secret
by squeakified343
Summary: It's my first fanfic. It was initially supposed to be a just a comedy but..well..things happened. I -will- update.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm just a fan. I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of the other works of brilliance created by Eoin Colfer. I am just borrowing them, sticking them in a fictional situation to see how things would turn out. That's all. No more, no less.

A little note from me: This is the first fan fic I've ever written…So it would help if you gave a review or two? Let me know what you think of it? Thanks.

Chapter 1

The boy sat in his bed, still fully dressed and wide-awake. Of course, he had never exactly been much of a 'boy'. Throughout his life everyone looked at him like an adult, he had worked so hard for that status. Everyone wanted something from him. No mere 'boy' could possibly hold that burden. All his business partners, although they greeted him with smiles, all they wanted was to make use of his abilities. His parents, though they were beginning to seem like a normal family, seemed to want him to be someone he was not. Even in front of Butler, he had to keep on his mask of coolness and professionalism. Mulch, Juliet, …All of them. They all wanted something from him.

However, with Holly? If anything she probably looked down on him. She never demanded that he be someone else. For some odd reason he found her rudeness–appealing? He was grateful for the dark because these were one of the rare moments that he found himself blushing.

Why? For all his brilliance he could not comprehend how he felt comfortable and awkward at the same time when he was around her. He sighed as his mind conjured up the image of her face again. He knew she was pretty, but there was just–something else. Was it the way she quirked her mouth, the way her perfect hands worked so seamlessly, the way her eyes burned with their own fire…

"Fowl!" Holly? Artemis turned to see a her slight form hovering outside his window. He almost jumped out of his skin but collected himself. Months ago she had made him open a permanent invitation for her into this summer home. He still had not recovered from the last shock he received when he found her in the freezer icing yet another injury He only hoped that she had not–

"Holly!" He flung open the windows and the fairy tumbled into the room her engine of her wings spluttering and emitting sparks. She hurtled into the wall and crumpled. He rushed to her side and eased the helmet off, and held back a gasp. Her face was covered in blood. Sparks scuttled across her face and neck. "Holly! What have you gotten yourself into?! Who did this?! I swear if I ever–"

"Quit dramatizing and help me." She rasped. Blood flecked his face as she coughed but he barely noticed. He chastised himself for wasting time moaning and set his mind to work. He smelt a curious odor, that of which he had smelt only once in his life. It was an illegal fairy poison, coming in the form of a small, living dart that would eat its way into its victim and excrete this deadly poison. The poison would cause the victim to bleed from the pores and tear ducts and it only stopped when the victim was dead…or the dart was removed. From the look of her fading sparks, Holly's magic was running out and that was the only thing that kept her from bleeding to death…unless he found the dart and managed to remove it in time.

"Where is it Holly?" She pointed to the base of her neck, her hand trembling.

Artemis turned her over gently, he wiped away the blood to see a hole in her neck, a hole so thick he could have stuck his finger through. His eyes widened.

"Holly, how do I remove it?"

"Whistle."

"What?!"

"Whistle a perfect C! D'arvit!"she gasped, blood seeping from the edges of her mouth.

Artemis was in a way relieved that he did not have to slice open her neck to get to the dart. However, he had never ever been able to whistle. He had tried but all that came out was air. He felt helpless. His friend was going to die because he couldn't whistle! He tried again, trying to ignore the sight of blood seeping out of the seams of Holly's suit. Tears poured down his face. Through his panic one thought screamed at him.

_Think Artemis. Think. _


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'm just a fan. I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of the other works of brilliance created by Eoin Colfer. I am just borrowing them, sticking them in a fictional situation to see how things would turn out. That's all. No more, no less.

Little note from me: My apologies for such a bloody start. This chapter is a little more amusing, quite a bit longer. Enjoy.

Chapter 2

"_Oh my love, I thought I had lost you!" he whimpered._

"_No darling, nothing could ever keep me from you. Nothing." Dramatic music played in the background as the couple smothered each other with kisses…_

"Butler, do you really find entertainment out of watching two people who are paid to display such exaggerated affection?" drawled Artemis. The bodyguard leapt out of his seat with a speed and agility that belied his size.

"Oh Artemis. I was er–clearing out Juliet's old collection of videos." At the sight of his employer's slightly cocked eyebrow he stammered on, "I was uh–just ensuring that they were still in good condition."

Artemis walked over to the DVD player, the display read that the video had been playing for a little over an hour.

"An hour for testing? Efficient as always I see." He let through one of his smiles, a sight that Butler was seeing more often these days. Nonetheless the large Eurasian was still terribly embarrassed. He cleared his throat.

"I will just be going to make my rounds now, Artemis." He paused, then nodded to the shimmering patch of air by the doorway. "Holly." He left too quickly to have been calm. Artemis actually chuckled with amusement as he switched off the offending machine. Holly shimmered into visibility with a huge grin across her features.

"Well, who would have believed it. Gruff old Butler is a sop for soap operas." She threw her head back and laughed a rich laugh, her hair dancing in the light. Now that she was no longer a recon officer, she had no reason to keep her hair shorn close to her scalp. Artemis laughed along with her, his laughter ebbed away as he realized why she had grown her hair long…to hide the scar.

"Holly, how is the bleeding?" he said.

"Fine, perfectly fine. Now where is the orange juice? I'm parched." Artemis strode across the room and barred the kitchen doorway. He fixed her with a stern look.

"Alright. When I woke up there was a little bit of blood around the tips of my ears and the edges of my eyes. That's all."

Artemis sighed and gestured for her to turn around. She sighed and complied, lifting her thick hair off her neck. There was the scar, a perfect triangle and it still blazed an angry red. That night, Artemis had managed to rig up a small gadget that worked like a bellows except that the air whistled out a perfect 'C'. Unable to bear the frequencies, the dart had squirmed out of Holly's body and shriveled up. When Holly's body healed itself, it had somehow mistaken the poison to be part of her system. Hence, Holly occasionally would find blood instead of sweat or tears, or had blood beading from the more delicate parts of her skin, such as the tips of her ears.

Artemis brushed a finger gently across the scar, the finger came away bloody. He shook his head.

"Holly, you have to rest till the poison has completely faded away." He said, his voice grave.

"Oh come off it Arty." Artemis felt his stomach do an odd flip when she called his nickname. "You know it will take ages for that to happen. It's just a little inconvenience that I'll have to live with. That's all. It's nothing like what Butler is going through with the Kevlar. Besides, why are you so concerned with my health?"

To be honest. Artemis still didn't know. He was about to fire back a suitable retort to cover his confusion when the doorbell rang. Holly shimmered out of sight. Artemis felt a tug, that of annoyance and of some other emotion he couldn't quite identify yet. Butler was doing his rounds so he was left to answer the door. He was still muttering dark oaths to himself when he opened the door, only to wish he had never done so.

"Give me a B!" cried a blonde girl shrilly.

"B!" echoed the troop of other girls behind her.

"Give me an I!" she screamed again.

"I!" they squealed.

"Excuse me, may I know–"Artemis was cut off by another torrent of screams followed by an 'R'.

"Excuse me , miss­–"

"Give me a T!!!"

"T!!!"

"I must object to this ridiculous–" He was almost sputtering.

"H!"

"Miss!"

"D!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" He yelled, clutching his head which was erupting into a headache.

The blonde girl and her flock blinked at him blankly. He presumed that they had never been interrupted. He felt a twinge of regret, but only for letting these–children get under his skin.

"Ladies. I insist that you desist with these ridiculous displays of such traumatizing antics–" He paused at the sight of their increasingly dumb (if possible) looks. He sighed and resorted to as simple a request as his dignity would allow. "Would you please tell me what's going on?"

"Sure." Chirped a brunette, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "If you give me your number." Artemis resisted the temptation to roll his eyes, it was his money they wanted not his number. The girls are giggled annoyingly but were silenced by the blonde who had headed the attack.

"Arty, may I call you Arty?" The blonde cooed fluttering her mascara coated lashes.

_You most certainly may NOT! _Thought Artemis, furiously. However, he was determined not to be provoked to another unsightly outburst by these airheads. He contented himself with a cool, nonchalant stare. To her credit, the blonde did not even flinch.

"Candice Keldings invites you to her 17th birthday party. And _we" _The girls all flipped their hair simultaneously in a manner that Artemis felt even the average waitress had carried off with much more class. "are the invitation. It is on the evening of this Friday, 7.30. " Artemis promptly shut the door with the slightest nod, shutting out the giggles that followed.

He wiped his brow and slumped against the door. Why? Why had he been such an imbecile as to let Candice hear of the address of his summer home. He heard a chuckle. He glanced up to see a terribly amused Butler, soon joined by an equally amused Holly.

"A little assistance would have been very welcome." He said dryly. He was replied with the uninhibited laughter of his friends. Before long he found himself laughing too.

_Later that day. Somewhere in Russia._

"It's 0314 hours. Mud Man time, how you doing Butler?" came Holly's voice. Butler was wearing a device that that had been implanted into a specific part of his brain. It was roughly the size of one millionth of a pinhead, Artemis had toyed with nanotechnology since The tiny device was capable of receiving and transmitting thoughts. The device transferred the thoughts into voices. How it worked exactly was a mystery to Butler.

"These kids are quite pathetic. I almost feel sorry for them." He thought back as he slammed two more tattooed heads together. "Just finished off the last two."

"Alright, leave the signature and proceed to the pick up point. Artemis has the statue and is heading to the pick up point. Estimated time of arrival, 2 minutes."

"Already there."

"Show off."

Butler pulled the cap lower over his eyes and leaned against the wall. It was amazing how well the giant blended into the background. He shifted his weight so that if any…surprises propped up, he'd be ready.

"Where are you, Holly?"

"Quite nagging Grandpa. Coming at you, 2 o'clock."

Butler turned to see a dark red cat creeping towards him on silent paws.

"Holly."

"Like my tail?"

"Cats aren't red."

The cat craned it's neck and peered at herself. With a slight shimmer, the fur turned golden brown with stripes to indicate it was a tabby.

"Thanks. Artemis says he's dropping the package right about…now."

A small noise is the dumpster confirmed this.

"The camera is online. Do your stuff Holly."

The cat stuck it's tiny pink tongue at him before vaulting lithely into the dumpster. Artemis had taken up this assignment a few weeks back. They were stealing a famous sculpture from a mafia gang. After which Artemis would have it sent back to a museum with his signature. Holly, in the form of the cat, would make her way to the museum curator and cough up a hairball at his feet. The hairball would be the statue wrapped in a parchment. Then Holly would have to nudge it with her nose and it would be restored back to its' original size. Later Artemis would sell off the footage of the entire operation on eBay to the highest bidder under a fake name. Of course, the video would never lay a hint to their identities. Artemis made a surprisingly large profit from this video sale.

"Artemis always has been dramatic." Commented Holly as she walked out past Butler.

"Always will be I suppose."

They walked into the wall, a temporary hologram covering Mulch's handiwork. Mulch Diggums would return to plug up the hole and retrieve the hologram projector tomorrow. Behind the wall was their shuttle, in which Artemis already sitting.

"The cat form is very flattering Holly."

"Haha." She said aloud as she shed the morph skin. Another of Artemis' inventions.

Another mission successful. Using their talents for good…It was so cheesy and would have been ridiculous enough to make a Hollywood script. It was only brilliant, because Artemis was brilliance in itself.

And, he had his friends. Very unique friends.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, who's this Candice? Girlfriend?" asked Holly, a hint of mischief dancing in her eyes. Artemis face expressed utter shock at her words. Shock and barely masked disgust. "Wow Arty. Isn't 17 a little early to start courting? I mean even for a Mud Person." Artemis turned away hiding his reddened face. He felt no insult from the term 'Mud Person', it was just sheer embarrassment that turned his face red.

"She is just a classmate. An annoying one at that." He made as dignified an exit as possible, as dignified as one could be with a flushed face and an overly wide stride. _She calls 17 young? How old can she be? _Artemis had completely forgotten that being a fairy, she could very well have been old enough to have been his great grandmother's great grandmother.

But by looking at her, who would have guessed? From her sharp wit, no one would be able to.

_After a few days and much banter_

_Friday. Too soon._ He thought as he straightened his tie. This was the one day that he did not have any…assignments. He would have liked to enjoy this freedom by tending to some of his other projects. However, his mother had caught wind of the invitation and insisted that 'her little Arty' should get to 'mingle with friends of his own age'. _I suppose I might as well concede this favour, after all it might be the last…_He felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a shimmering mass of air.

"Now, Arty. You can't let your darling Candice see you all messed up like this." Said the mass of air. It was odd to have his hair neatened by invisible hands.

"Holly."

"I've got it all taken care of. I even brought instant anti–zit cream. If it works on goblins it should work on you." A small tube materialized out of nowhere.

"Holly."

"And look! I have spray that keeps your Armani suit nice and crisp. Close your eyes and mouth." Artemis spluttered as something icy cold sprayed all over him.

"Holly!" The aerosol can hovered in midair. "I need to talk to you." Holly heard the desperation in his voice and ceased her pampering.

"I think…I think I'm dying." He stammered.

As she shimmered into visibility, Artemis forgot his dismay at his impending death. This was the first time he had seen Holly in something other than her LEP jumpsuit.

Artemis gulped as he took in the dark green gown that was made out of a fabric that clung to her like second skin. He was a little shocked as he took in the sight of her auburn hair done up, revealing her perfectly formed elven ears, and…her very attractive figure. He blushed and tried to focus his eyes on her face, while no less mesmerizing it was at least something he was familiar with.

She seemed to not have noticed his dazed look and took hold of his head in between her cool hands. Her face drew close to his, her breath dancing across his skin. Her bright eyes locked into his and he began to panic. He knew nothing of kissi–

"You are not dying Arty." She said, breaking off the contact. Artemis cleared his throat, banishing the embarrassing thoughts that had just flooded his mind.

"So what's wrong?"

"Well according to what I read from the physical records of your mind…You have been feeling breathless, been unable to sleep, your skin sometimes prickles and your tongue feels like lead. Sometimes your head feels so light it's like you're flying, the next minute the whole room seems to be too small and your throat constricts. Right so far?"

"Yes."

"Well." Holly shook her head, her hair catching the light giving the illusion that there were sparks dancing in her hair. "Well, well, well."

"I am most certainly not 'well, well, well' Holly, I am dying! I'm asking you and not a proper doctor so that Butler won't hear about it as it would only worry him and he would tell my parents and they would be worried too. And here you are giving me an idiosyncratic response!" Instead of some sign of remorse, Holly seemed to be fighting a grin. She sidled up to the now 17 year old boy who had perched himself mournfully at the edge of his enormous bed. She tilted her head and leaned in, stray strand of hair falling across her eyes.

"You are not dying. Far from it. You, Artemis Fowl, have fallen in love." She whispered in his ears. She laughed at Artemis' reaction, that of the typical pop–eyed look that was not typical on this boy. "Oh don't be so shocked. I'm sure Candice returns your affections, you are not bad looking…for a Mud Boy." She shimmered out of sight. "Have fun at the party." Artemis sat almost frozen for a brief moment, then composed himself.

"Holly?" There was no reply. She was gone. Artemis sat back in his armchair, wondering vaguely why Holly was in a gown… But more importantly, he was relieved. Firstly, that he was not dying. Secondly, that the fairy did not know that the one who he had fallen in love with was not Candice. It was Holly.

Someone knocked at the door, Butler presumably. Artemis grimaced, this party was an event that he would have been happier to miss.

"Come in, Butler. I do wish you would let me be late for once." Said Artemis as he got up reluctantly from his armchair.

The door swung open to reveal someone who was certainly not Butler.

"Your wish is granted." Artemis felt something prick the side of his neck. He reached up to feel a small dart, his vision already dimming. He flailed his arms as his legs gave way. Falling to the floor, there was a brief flash of pain as his right arm hit the side of his armchair. Then everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Little note from me: Sorry it's so short. Thank you so much to those people who wrote such lovely reviews… It took so long because, well, I'm practically rewriting everything. Thanks for your patience, try to enjoy!

Chapter 4

He was in his room, alone. His long, tapered fingers danced across the keyboard. He was searching for something, something very important, something secret… He paused, fingers hovering above the keys. Artemis spun around in the chair.

"That is a little too obvious don't you think?" said Artemis with a smirk.

The room disappeared to show a glass walled lab. Artemis was strapped to a cold metal bench with various needles in his neck and head. He heard a chuckle. Artemis opened his eyes calmly and took in his real surroundings for the first time. He turned his head as far as the needles would allow to face a small figure watching him intently. The person chuckled again.

"Very good, Fowl. Very good. Most people never recognize that it's an illusion." Said the person. Artemis squinted trying to make out the face of his captor. The voice sounded eerily familiar.

"The sudden motivation to find something 'important and secret', being alone at my computer... Probably the drugs that you are pumping into me right now. The drugs must allow you to influence me to have certain ideas, or to believe that I am somewhere. Such as opening one of my files that contain a secret that you are after. Rather than a simple interrogation and brute force, you use a method that makes me open my own mind." stated Artemis calmly. He gave a theatrical sigh. "Of course such an illusion would only last till I realize that it is not reality. Therefore you might as well give up as I am plainly too intelligent to be tricked by such antics."

The person chuckled again. "I know very well how intelligent you are. You have demonstrated that quite impeccably in just a matter of those few minutes. Indeed, the drugs are as you say. However, whoever said that I wanted to know your secrets? If I wanted something from you, you would have something to bargain with. And we both know that from your previous exploits that the only person who benefits from your bargains is yourself. I am not after any of your precious secrets." The silhouette got up from his seat and Artemis could make out that he was very small. The shadow stepped out of his sight and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I know all your secrets. The only thing I want…is to break you." Artemis' eyes widened for a minute before his mind was sent reeling into a new illusion.

_Back at Fowl Manor_

"Butler! Butler!" The large manservant turned to see a frantic Holly. He opened the window and the fairy hurtled in.

"What is it?" He felt a twinge of fear, he had only heard this frantic note in Holly's voice twice in his life. On both occasions, it never boded anything but ill.

Holly slapped off her engine wings and tried to compose herself. Her body still trembled and her fist were so tight that her knuckles were drained of colour.

"I had just left Artemis' window after talking with the boy, when it slammed shut behind me. I've never known Artemis to have such a temper so I went invisible to stay and see if he was alright." Butler almost smiled to imagine Holly peeking in on Artemis like a worried mother. His amusement fled when Holly continued to speak. "When I looked in, I saw someone facing his back to the window. At first I thought it was Artemis because it looked like him from behind…till the door opened. The person who came is was Artemis."

Butler went rigid for a minute as he registered the fact that there had been an intruder in the house, an intruder who had slipped past his notice. Holly did not seem to notice Butler's discomfort and carried on.

"But that's not the strangest part. Artemis shot the man, clipped him on the side of his neck. Then he saw me and ran off, when I looked back to the man who had been shot, he was gone too." Butler turned from her and ran to the surveillance room. He scanned the console checking the corridors, the staircases, the garden… There was no sign of Artemis anywhere, or any man like Holly had described. He collapsed back into the chair and covered his face in his hands.

"Butler?" Holly was at the doorway, already guessing what Butler had found. "Any idea on where to start?"

Butler sighed, dropping his hands from his face. "This is when I can only try to think of what Artemis to think." The large man stood slowly from his chair, walking out of the room.

"Butler? Where are you…what are you doing?"

"What else is there to do? I'll just have to call the police." Butler maintained his resigned posture till he was in his own room where there were no cameras. It was only then that he straightened up and removed a thin lens from his eye. Artemis had worked on the original iris cam and now he could actually record and watch what he had seen himself. He had activated it when he had been appearing to bury his face in his hands. Now to watch the recording he simply had to reverse the lens and re–insert it into his eye. He did so and played back the scene where he had turned to face Holly in the room.

"Pause." He spoke out loud. There was a small spark and the picture froze, showing Holly leaning against the doorframe. "Enlarge. 10 times." It zoomed in to Holly's eyes and Butler saw his suspicions had not been unfounded. Holly's pupils were unfocused and jagged… She was under mesmer. "Artemis is down. Holly is practically the enemy. Looks like it's just me again."

"Yup. Just poor old Butler and scary little Holly." He turned to see Holly hovering over his shoulder, holding a gun at his temple. "Good night Mud Man."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm just a fan. I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of the other works of brilliance created by Eoin Colfer. I am just borrowing them, sticking them in a fictional situation to see how things would turn out. That's all. No more, no less.

Little note from me: So sorry this took forever to come out. I know it is terrible of me but they keep ending off as cliffhangers….Please forgive me! Try and enjoy yet another chapter of this butchered tale…

**Chapter 5**

Butler woke up to complete blackness. He waved his hands in front of his face but could not make out even the barest outline.

"Poor little Mud Man…Like a little blind mouse. Would the poor little blind mouse like some cheese?"

"Holly..?"

"Oooo…The Mud Man can talk. Let's see what other little tricks you can do…" A sharp jolt ran up his spine and seemed to explode in his head. His body gave an involuntary jerk. His captor clapped her hands in glee.

"How fun! Let's see what will happen if I did this…" It was Holly but she sounded somehow hazy despite the cruel joy in her voice.

"Holly, you're under mesmer." Her response was a sharp kick to his side. When he refused to make a sound, she kicked him again. This time, harder. When no noise came from him, she clicked her tongue in exasperation.

"Now Mud Man. My job is to make you scream. And until you scream this game won't stop." Butler doubled over at another sharp kick to his gut. He locked his jaw, refusing to give even the slightest groan.

"Bad, bad Mud Man. Looks like I'll just have to shoot your toes off, one by one…"

... …

"Arty." It was Holly's voice. He turned around to see her in her gown, hair tumbling around her face. He smiled, feeling rather dazed.

"Hello Holly." She gave him a sad smile.

"Arty, promise you won't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"Holly, what are you talking ab–" He faltered. From the corner of Holly's eye oozed a drop of blood. "No."

Holly collapsed to the floor. Bloody. Dead.

"NO!" He yelled covering his eyes. He panted heavily, sweat causing his clothes to stick to him.

The illusion disappeared, he was back on the cold slab of metal but the needles had been removed. His captor still stayed out of his line of sight.

"No? Is that all you can say? How very eloquent." He mocked, his steps drawing nearer. "Do I sound terribly familiar to you? I should. Afterall, you and I are so much alike. Sadly cliché, but Miss Koboi was always such a drama queen." Something in Artemis tightened, literally. He gasped in pain. Something was terribly wrong. It started with the tips of his tapered fingers. A sharp, deep pain that seemed to tear every fibre apart. It made its' way slowly up his arm, to his neck and then shot down his spine. He might have screamed, he could not tell. All he was aware of was the overwhelming pain. The pain paused, Artemis' abused body was twitching. His captor continued his monologue.

"I believe that you are a mistake in life. My life. That needs to be erased. Of course, considering all the pain you have caused me...It is only fair that I return the favour even if it is only a fraction of the suffering you have put me through."

His captor circled slowly from behind him, eyeing his suffering with pure ecstacy. He chuckled softly and sat back, steepling long tapered fingers. Artemis realized in that instant who his captor was.

Himself.

… …

After 3 hours and 7 minutes of torture, Butler's body went limp. The mesmerized elf leaned down to check for a pulse. That was when he snapped his head back and felt his thick skull collide with Holly's nose. He rammed his head back again and this time he made contact with her forehead. The elf was knocked unconscious.

"Sorry about this Holly." Said Butler regretfully as his mesmerised friend tumbled to the ground. Sparks skipped across her face as the magic set to work. He hurried out of the room.

He tucked away the pain to be acknowledged later. For now, he needed to think clearly. Judging from the paint on the walls, this place was old. Makeshift wires ran along the walls, the signs of a hurried job. There were no cameras or any kind of surveillance, which could only mean that wherever they were was so reclusive that the thought of an intrusion was unheard of. Which would also mean that there was minimal security, if any at all. The air was thick and musty, they were possibly underground. Yet even through the thick air, his ears picked out a sound that he recognized instantly and filled his senses with horror.

Artemis was screaming.

Butler sprinted towards the terrifying sound and found himself at a door. Without a second thought he charged through only to collide with a clear wall. He hammered on it, but produced not so much as a hairline crack.

"ARTEMIS!"

The screaming cut off with a suddenness that terrified him even more than the screaming itself. He looked up to see Artemis sitting in a chair, his eyes fixed on an empty table. Artemis had various needles stuck into his neck, his wrists and his back. All which led to a drip filled with a clear liquid. In a shaking right hand he held a gun. Butler was dumbfounded.

"Butler." came Artemis' calm voice. "You have come at a time that is most inconveni–" The boy twitched, and the screaming resumed. It went on for a while then with another twitch, cut off. Artemis spoke calmly again as if nothing had happened.

"This boy you see on the table is an imposter, a clone. Miss Koboi is very much alive and has perfected her cloning technology. And that thing–" The screaming took him again then cut off. "Is one of her creations. She designed him to replace me, to rob me of everything I have worked so hard to achieve. This thing has robbed me of a good portion of my life. Something I intend to take back." Artemis raised the gun to his temple. "This is the monster that hurt Holly, almost killing her. That creature has made a mockery of me."

Butler slumped against the glass. His mind raced to keep up with the unexpected turn of events, when Artemis had become his own enemy. There was no other boy on the table. The gun Artemis held was held to his own head. Butler guessed that like some other brilliant but stressed minds, Artemis had developed a split personality. The world was not big enough for two Artemis'. And he knew that neither personality would have been satisfied knowing that another of themselves existed. There were many gaps to this story, but all he knew now was that Artemis was about to shoot himself, and he was helpless to stop him.

"Butler, "came Artemis' eerily calm voice, the boy turned his head towards the tortured manservant. "I will not ask you to watch thi–" once again he was cut oof but this time not by a lapse into screaming, but by shock. "Holly?" Butler turned to see Holly in a gown that looked out of place in their surroundings. She was holding up her blaster, her finger ready on the trigger.

"Game over."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I'm just a fan. I don't own Artemis Fowl or any of the other works of brilliance created by Eoin Colfer. I am just borrowing them, sticking them in a fictional situation to see how things would turn out. That's all. No more, no less.

Little note from me: So sorry this took _forever… _Try and and enjoy! Once again terribly sorry for taking so long. Really long. Yes. I am trying to change my style of writing, and trying hard to make things less confusing. It doesn't help that I am very confused myself. It's my perpetual state of existence.

**Chapter 6**

The glass shattered with a startling sound, the bullet grazed his ear and embedded itself in the wall. He dropped his gun, clutching his ear and yelping. Holly kicked the cold object towards Butler. Then the fairy drew out her own gun and pressed it hard against the boy's forehead.

"Where is Artemis" she said quietly. The dead calmness in her voice told Butler two things. One, she would not hesitate to pull the trigger. Two, this was not Artemis. Regardless of how much they bickered at times, Short would never put a gun to Artemis' head.

"H–Holly…What is going o–" stammered the imposter. Holly tilted her head to the side, as if in wonderment that the subject could be this daft. She pressed the barrel harder against the boy's forehead.

"Where is Artemis." She repeated, without a change in tone. Butler knew that the elf would not blow out the brains of the imposter, that would be destroying their only connection to where the real Artemis was located. However, the one who was on the receiving end of the barrel did not share the comfort of this knowledge.

"Ohnoohnoohno!" babbled the one who only looked like Artemis, you would never see the boy in such a pathetic mess. "I want to live don't kill me! I'm only 200! I haven't seen the world! Lived a full life! I haven't kissed the Sherry tree's roots yet!" The part of the ear that had been grazed by the bullet was…melting. In his shock the phoney Artemis hardly noticed as the ear hissed and oozed to the ground to reveal a ear that was smaller, and pointed.

"Shut up. For the third, and final time. Where is Artemis."

"In the fish store! In the Mud Man fish store with Lenny! I swear I had nothing to do with all this! Lenny made me! I'm innoc–" The panicked ramblings cut off sharply as Holly walloped the fake on the side of his head. As his mask fizzed and dribbled off, he slumped to the ground. A quick glance told Butler that the imposter was definitely not Artemis, not even human for that matter. With a few long strides he caught up with Holly who had turned and sped out of the room without a word.

Holly seemed to walking straight into a wall. Butler stopped, wondering for a brief moment if this whole episode had driven Holly off the wrong end. A few feet short of the wall, the elf stopped, patted around the air, and aimed a sharp kick at seemingly nothing. But nothing doesn't make a metallic clang does it.

"Hurry up, Mulch." The air shimmered, like a fairy coming out of mesmer. A small, curious looking aircraft wavered into sight, and in its' cockpit sat a familiar looking dwarf.

"Hello Mulch," said Butler, a small voice wondering if Foaly ever cooked up a contraption that was normal. It had to be Foaly's invention, because Holly had told him some time back that most vehicles were now built with a gadget that would explode if brought to the surface. Hence all they could use were Foaly's prototypes, clean of bugs.

The stout dwarf waved his greetings through the glass, his mouth jammed with what looked like a baloney sandwich. Trust Mulch to have food with him in times like this. As the cockpit slid open and Holly hopped in, Butler noted something else with much concern.

"Holly, there is no space for me in that thing." There was no way he was going to be left behind.

Holly's grave expression wiped off her face for a moment as she tossed a moonbelt and two odd looking handles at the large Eurasian. Butler looked at the two new gadgets, then at the elf with a questioning look.

"Those are magnets, Butler. Now hurry along we need to go collect an underaged genius." Answered the elf, casually as she buckled herself in. Butler's years of maintaining his composure aided him to hide his horror. This was going to be a..memorable ride.

[at Lenny's Fishmart

Artemis had never liked lobsters. As a young child he would take the seat that did not face the tanks containing the red crustaceans. He would also politely excuse himself when the red shelled things arrived on the dinner table. Previously this had simple been an idiosyncrasy with no real reason, they just never appealed to him. Presently, he found a more concrete grounds on which to set his disliking.

It was one thing to be drugged, trussed up like a chicken, thrown into the backseat and flown off without his say so. It was another, and intolerable matter to be threatened by a brute with a fetish for red lobsters, and the mentality of a tv–doped child.

"Who is your leader?" hissed the voice, the pincers of the lobster clicked terribly close to his ear. If Artemis had not been blindfolded, his captor would have been treated to the sight of him rolling his eyes.

"Who do you work for?" came the voice again in what was a feeble attempt at a menacing tone. The smell of fish irritated him. He was hungry.

"Why are you here?" the lobster's pincers brushed against his ear.

"You tell me." Artemis said plainly. The questions were ridiculous, they had absolutely nothing to do with all this. He remembered that his captor had wanted to…break him. Aside from really testing his patience, this really was not doing anything to him. He had previously been drugged, his mind spent spinning through hallucination after horrid hallucination. Then suddenly the torture had been cut off, he had been knocked out, and when he had come to his senses he was here.

Things just did not add up.

His interrogator had ceased his stupid questionnaire. If Artemis' ears served him right, the man was…crying.

"Oh he's going to scold me so bad… I am supposed to make you scared…" Judging from his voice, the man was approximately thirty. Judging from his words, the man was undoubtedly dumb. A spark lighted in Artemis' mind, he turned his head towards where the voice was coming from.

"You also made me cry earlier. Really. You came really close." It was true, Artemis had been so bored and irritated that he had been close to tears, figuratively of course.

"R–really?" This was accompanied by a few sniffles. Artemis pressed harder.

"Yes, but do you know what really scares me?" He took a deep, shuddering breath as though some terrible thought had passed his mind. A few scuffles, the man had picked himself off his moaning rear and was back beside him.

"What?" The man's voice held a breathlessness much akin to a child being offered a new toy. Artemis shook his head furiously.

"No, no if I told you.." His captor must have brought the lobster back for the clicking had returned.

"That doesn't scare me, it's nothing compared to…" he paused, the man's breath smelt like fish too as he demanded to know Artemis' fear. Hiding his smile, he whispered it.

The man's eyes widened.

Outside the walls stood the small company of rescuers; a gluttonous dwarf, a determined elf, and a nauseated human. Butler's ride, hanging unto the magnetic handles for dear life had been anything but pleasant. He gratefully stepped back unto the pavement, reveling in the level, stable ground. He swiftly drew out his Sig Sauer, drawing looks from the few people who were out in this remote, quiet town. All they could see was a large man dropping from the sky and drawing out a gun. There was also an aircraft that was as bizarre in its' design as it was beautiful, an elf with her own gun, and a potently equipped dwarf.

What they all failed to see, was the second aircraft hovering behind a none too distant chimney.

The sinister figure in this second aircraft watched, cackling to himself as the trio headed into the fish store. They would be befuddled for sure. Alright he had hoped that his henchman would at least be able to deliver them a shivering, frightened Artemis. Then again it was only befitting of his archenemy to be able to manipulate one's captor into not only ceasing his torture, but actually feeding the boy sashimi. Anyway, it was a minor detail.

No one would understand, would suspect the enormity of his plan. They would collect him, and heads back without the slightest clue as to what was about to happen.

Except that blasted elf. The ex–Recon writer grated heavily on his nerves. She knew something. How much she knew, he had no idea. But even the smallest nugget of information was enough, was too much. It would ruin the perfection, the beauty of his plan.

That could not and would not be tolerated. He released a low, evil chuckle, which escalated into a loud, raucous indulgence in the delight of his own evil. The cockpit was sound proof, so he could treat himself. For a good five minutes he leaned back and laughed, reveling in the delicious sensation from his dastardly plans.

The moment was ruined with the arrival of pigeon deposit on his window. He frowned, the foulness of such a sight reminding him of his task, his hatred.

Fowl would be broken.


End file.
